This is a real statistic.  33% of UK divorce petitions refer to Facebook (Divorce Online).

It’s not surprising that Facebook plays a role in so many divorces today. I would not be too quick to suggest that couples ban Facebook from their lives because I am not so sure those same people won’t end up lawyering up anyway, but I would suggest that it become a topic of discussion among couples. Let’s look at the reasons Facebook is causing marital trouble and how to prevent that trouble:

1. Facebook allows us to effortlessly maintain contact with anyone we were ever in a relationship with! For those of us who are a bit older, think of it like the pile of photos of an old flame you may have stored somewhere. Some may feel they should toss those photos out. Some are happy to keep them in a box stored away in the attic. For most, they may just be a nice memory of younger days. But old photos don’t exist for today’s young couples. Their memories are all stored conveniently, at hands reach, on the Facebook timeline. THey don’t even have time to turn into memories because they keep living on. As old boyfriends update their status — a new job, pictures of a new girlfriend, a birthday celebration with a family you used to feel a part of — you are constantly reminded of what you left behind – or at least that may be how it feels to your new husband.

So what do you do? You talk about it. Even if it is awkward.

Couples should agree on a set of rules about keeping in touch with old boyfriends and girlfriends. Every situation is unique. But be honest with each other and respect each others concerns. Sometimes, it’s just better to “unfriend” someone and avoid any potential jealousy.

2.  Many people feel that flirting on Facebook is harmless. But a spouse may not agree. Just like you (hopefully) would not openly flirt with a girl sitting at the table next to you while out to dinner with your wife, you may want to think twice about flirting online from the comfort of your own home. It can be insulting and even dangerous. Online relationships can become intense even if you never meet the person face to face. If you find that you are drawn to such interactions, take some time to consider why that is happening. It may be an indication of a real problem.

3. Many people report feeling actual symptoms of addiction to Facebook. Checking into Facebook constantly throughout the day, uploading photos and videos of everything, changing status multiple times through the day. It can easily interfere with real life. In general, spending too much time online is not healthy. It’s not good for your physical well-being and it can dampen a relationship. With the current smartphone revolution, it is not uncommon to see couples out on a date but spending most of their time texting to friends or playing with some new app.

So what do you do? If you are the compulsive digital type, work on reducing your screen time. Just think of it as being considerate. When you are together and talking – don’t start texting, updating your status, answering calls constantly. And certainly don’t interrupt intimate moments for Facebook! If it’s your spouse who is spending too much time on Facebook or other online activities, tell him. Explain how it makes you feel and let him know that you are interested in spending quality time together.

So many people today are wondering if they are addicted to their smartphones, the internet, digital content . . . But even if you are spending A LOT of time online, texting and in front of the computer, you may not necessarily be addicted. You might just need a little lesson in etiquette. Here is a great infographic by @mobilematthews that perfectly summarizes the typical situations that people face on dates and what is polite cellphone use. There is nothing that annoys me more than getting together with a friend and sitting silently watching her talk on her phone or text. Why do the people calling her take priority over me, the one who took time to meet face-to-face? Sometimes, I consider taking out my iPhone, filming us sitting there at the table, each in our own world’s, and sending her the clip via Facebook. Now that would be absurd.

Angry Birds is a digital game phenomena that deserves some attention here. The game is a completely strange concept so some are surprised by its incredible success. Players use a slingshot to launch birds at pigs with the intent of destroying all the pigs. As you advance in the game, new birds appear, some have special abilities that you can activate. There is a free version that is the most popular Angry Bird version. And special promotional versions of the game have also been released for free. For more advanced play, players can pay a minimal fee to get the full version. The research referenced below reports that a majority of people report that Angry Birds makes them feel joy and relaxed. I am not totally convinced, but have to admit I have not dared to play — for fear of becoming addicted!
This infographic takes a look at just why Angry Birds is so addictive.

Infographic by: AYTM Market Research

Anders Behring Breivik, a 32-year-old Norwegian man killed over 90 people at a shooting this weekend on the island of Utoya, about 19 miles northwest of Oslo, Norway. Breivik opened fire at a youth camp, shortly after setting off a bomb which killed 7 at a government building. He has reportedly said he used Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 to learn combat skills for an upcoming war with Islam.

“I just bought Modern Warfare 2, the game. It is probably the best military simulator out there and it’s one of the hottest games this year. … I see MW2 more as a part of my training-simulation than anything else. I’ve still learned to love it though and especially the multiplayer part is amazing. You can more or less completely simulate actual operations.”

While I would not try to argue that video games drove Breivik to do what he did but this does point to a few important issues worth examining. The Call of Duty was an important training tool for what was a frightening successful attack. This is a man without police or military training after all. So I would suggest considering the idea of allowing children to play such a video game. In general, Breivik mentions being a video game enthusiast and some sites report that he was addicted to World of Warcraft. Again, I am not suggesting those games are responsible for his actions. But I would suggest that the gaming may have contributed to his social alienation that led him to commit such a crime.

A recent Supreme Court case challenged the state of California’s ban on the sale of violent video games to children. I personally can not think of a more straight forward no brainer. Yes, banning the sale of violent video games, the kinds that include hardcore violence and even rape, should obviously not be sold to children, similarly to the way pornography, alcohol and tobacco are not sold to children.

I can’t get my head around the Supreme Court Decision and the way they defended the decision. Antonin Scalia likened the violence in the video games to the violence in fables that previous generations of children had read to them. And all I can say is is WHAT???

Let’s talk specifics here.  One game, examined by the court, involves having the players accumulate points for raping a mother and her daughters. Apparently, according to the distinguished judges, parents have a right to expose their children to these “ideas”.  Yes you read that right — they consider that the themes of rape and murder in these video games to be ideas to which a parent may want to expose his child.

Now this raises two alarms for me. First of all, the law simply prevented stores from selling these games to minors. So in essence, a parent could still buy the game for their children if they were set on exposing them to the ideas contained in the games. So what was the real motivation of appealing the law? Second, if our Supreme Court categorizes rape as an idea to which a parent can expose their child, then where does the line get drawn? It seems to me that it opens up the possibility for protecting the right of adults to expose children to pornography as well. I mean, is there a difference between rape and porn in a video game? Is it really only a parent’s decision to decide what is appropriate or not for their child? Or does society need to play some role in setting reasonable norms?

When the judges talk about parents, we all automatically imagine  good, caring, responsible people who want to protect their right to raise their children as they see fit. Unfortunately, that’s not realistic. Depraved people have children. Children have children. People who are working too hard to even know what their children are doing during the day, have children.

The American legal system is sending a  frightening message. That anything that some sick , depraved mind may come up with can be offered to the public. That we all have the right to sell that material and to buy that material. And that we simply have to cross our fingers that our own children don’t have to go to school with the kids who play those games, watch those movies, visit those website and are constantly exposed to those “ideas”. And as they become adults, we just have to hope that our adult children don’t fall victim to those who were unfortunate enough to not have anyone looking out for their emotional and sexual health in the digital age.

Call me naive, but why the game manufacturers would take the trouble to contest the law, is beyond my comprehension. Most decent people draw the line somewhere when it comes to profits. Do the game manufacturers really believe, that it’s acceptable for children to be exposed to extreme violence? And not only exposed, like they could be when watching the news — but as an interactive experience intended to be repeated over and over.

As games become increasingly sophisticated, we are not far away from more advanced technology being used to create even more realistic experiences. Just imagine what we are in for.

More and more children are at risk of developing an online gaming addiction. If you feel you don’t have the power to reduce that risk, think again. It’s not only something you can do — it is your responsibility to do it.

One key reason that children have parents is because they can’t monitor themselves. It’s not something any parent should expect of a child. If you stick them in a room with a computer and expect them to somehow know where the limits should be, you should be ready to deal with the consequences. But why do that? Why take the risk?

Adults are also becoming addicted to online gaming but at a far lower rate. An adult, who gets into gaming later in life, will most likely have more developed abilities to self-monitor. Adults are more self aware and able to correct their actions. For example, if an adult finds that a late night gaming session has caused them to perform poorly at work the next day due to fatigue, they are more capable of recognizing the problem and simply correcting the behavior — next time they play video games in the evening, they may consciously choose to stop at a reasonable hour in order to get enough sleep. A child or teenager, is obviously less likely to have that ability.

So what are parents supposed to do when they notice their children spending what seems to be a lot of time playing computer games? It’s hard to stand up against the typical responses kids give when they are told to stop playing or to shut off their computer:

“I don’t have anything else to do.”
“So I’ll watch TV instead — will that make you happy?”
“All the other parents let their kids play as much as they want!”
“I’m not bothering anyone – leave me alone.”

Well, ideally, you don’t reach this situation. Ideally, you have clear, simple rules about how much time can be spent online, playing games, using Facebook, etc. Ideally, your kids don’t have a computer in their room or if they do, are not permitted to sit online with the door closed for hours. Ideally, you don’t find yourself in a situation where you have to “take away” Internet privileges because for the child, it will feel like their freedom is being revoked and that is going to be tough on both of you.

So then maybe, if he’s already been given the freedom, just hope he will mature and realize that too much time playing games and sitting in front of the screen is not healthy.

Maybe. But that’s a really big maybe. So if you notice that something does not look right — He comes home from school and goes straight to his room, door closed and he’s playing for hours. She stops seeing friends and prefers to be online. He’s chronically tired. He is behaving in an anti-social manner — then chances are, something is not right.

Get control. Set limits. Spell out guidelines. Be involved. Talk. Express concern. Don’t wait to find out what the consequences could be.

This is a question many people are wondering about themselves or their loved ones. It is not uncommon for people today to spend entire days online. Some do it for work, some do it to participate in video games like the World of Warcraft and some do it for research and school. So can we assume that someone who spends as much as 8 hours per day online is addicted to the Internet?

No! Continue reading “Are You Simply Online a Lot or Addicted to the Internet?” »

In 2004, the first reliable measure for Internet Addiction assessment was developed and is being widely used today. Subjects are asked a series of 20 questions. The answers they provide are on a scale of 0-5. Once all of the questions are answered, the total score is compiled. The higher the score, the more severe the addiction is. The test defines 4 levels of severity ranging from Normal to Severe. In addition to providing a score, the test helps point to the particular problem areas that the subject is struggling with, for example, it may point to a tendency to use online relationships as a replacement for fact to face relationships.

Social Media has gone mainstream. Kids, teens, adults, senior citizens . . . everyone is using it. We are all on Facebook, we have friends that Tweet and it is now an integral part of daily life. But to what degree has social media penetrated our lives.? Does it interfere with our life? Does it enhance our social life? Does it take priority over real life interactions? Check out this visualization of just how dependent we are becoming on Facebook and other online platforms. Continue reading “How Addicted Are We to Social Media?” »

It’s been an interesting week in governments pondering how to be more involved in Internet access. In the UK, government officials announced their intention to meet with leading ISPs to begin to work on a plan for making online pornography an opt-in only option. What does that mean? It means that in the UK, families with Internet access in their homes would only have access to porn content if they actually ask for it. By default, no porn content will be available. Continue reading “If Only Internet Pornography was an Opt-in Service” »